Four Reasons to Support Gay Marriage and Oppose the Federal Marriage Amendment

III - Legalizing Same-Sex Marriage Does Not Harm Heterosexual Marriage (continued)

B) It May Actually Make Marriage a More Appealing Prospect for Many Heterosexuals

Few would argue that the institution of marriage isn't going through a period of transition--it has been since the 1960s, long before same-sex marriage became an issue--but this is because the cultural trappings of the institution itself have not adapted to the changing needs of the contemporary Western world following the success of the women's liberation movement and widespread availability of the birth control pill. Before women's liberation, women were essentially born with a career track in place. They would:

1. Attend school and learn home economics, so as to be competent wives and mothers.
2. Find a man and marry before age 20.
3. Have children quickly. Most estimates hold that during the 19th century, 80% of women had children within their first two years of marriage.
4. Spend most of the rest of their active years raising children.

This is why so many prominent 19th-century suffragists tended to be middle-aged or older, even though young women were more likely to support the movement: Because young women were too busy taking care of their children to participate. Menopause was the point at which activism most commonly became an option.

The women's liberation movement has been fighting this mandatory "career track" for decades, and achieving a great deal of success. In the process, marriage has been associated with this "career track." Same-sex marriage would increase the number of cases wherein the career track wouldn't apply, making marriage a more appealing option for many heterosexuals.

There is also the matter of heterosexual guilt. Some heterosexuals, particularly those with lesbian and gay friends and family members, have foregone marriage because they regard it as a discriminatory institution. Legalizing same-sex marriage would allow these heterosexual supporters of gay rights to get married with a clear conscience.

IV - Legalizing Same-Sex Marriage Acknowledges the Legitimacy of Same-Sex Relationships

A) Same-Sex Marriage is Already a Reality, Regardless of Whether the Government Chooses to Acknowledge It

From the colonial era until the Supreme Court's decision in Lawrence v. Texas (2003), same-sex relations were illegal in (initially) all or (later) most of the United States. Shortly after the Lawrence decision, Late Night with Conan O'Brien aired a satirical clip in which actors portraying a flamboyantly gay couple expressed their delight at finally being able to have sexual relations, since they had lived in total celibacy out of fear of breaking the law. And it was a valid point: Sodomy (or "unnatural intercourse") laws were flouted long before they were ever officially struck from the books.

State bans on gay sex were ineffective at banning gay sex, and state bans on gay marriage are equally ineffective at preventing lesbian and gay couples from having weddings, exchanging rings, and spending the rest of their lives together. State bans on gay marriage can't prevent a lesbian or gay couple's family or friends from describing them as married. It can't prevent proposals, tuxedos and gowns, honeymoons, anniversaries. Just as African-American couples of the slavery and Reconstruction era happily "jumped the broom" and got married in states that did not recognize their unions as valid, lesbian and gay couples are getting married every day. The government can't prevent that.

All it can prevent is hospital visitation, inheritance, and the thousands of other small legal perks that ordinarily come with marriage. It can, in short, take petty measures to punish committed lesbian and gay couples for their monogamy, for their willingness to commit to each other for life--but it can't do anything to prevent these unions from taking place.